Lesson 1 -- My Stories (Lengthy)

I know Holly from Ready To Be A Mom  requested to see my stories.  Be nice! :)

Grade: 49/50

a. retell an incident from childhood

It was a perfect day in Phoenix. It wasn’t summer yet, which is a good thing if you ask anyone from Phoenix. It was this beautiful day that I took my first trip to Urgent Care – well, at least the first one that I can remember.

I was around four years old at the time and I was playing around on the back porch with our two dogs, Barney, an adorable yellow Labrador retriever and Alexi, a sweet black and white collie mix. The porch was also my father’s work space for the cars and all his tools. There was cover over the patio where my father hung up some of his larger tools. The porch was looking dirty, so I decided to sweep with a broom about twice my size. This ended up being terrible idea.

As I was sweeping there was dirt flying up everywhere. I could taste it with every breath I took. I could hardly see though it. I didn’t notice how close I was getting to the edge of the roof. One second I was sweeping and the next I remember screaming and blood dripping from my face onto the concrete. Barney was standing next to me licking up every drop that fell. A set of vice grip pliers fell on my head, I learned. My parents ran outside to see what happened. Once they saw they told my brother to go grab some towels to put on my head and rushed me out to the car. Everything after this is fuzzy, but I remember being rushed into Urgent Care and having to get stitches. These stitches were my battle wounds that I shared with all my friends at daycare.

b. tell the story of how you got your name (took advantage of fictionalizing, by adding onto the story, my name was picked out of a romance novel)

My mother has always been a reader. For as long as I can remember she’s always had a book in her hands. So it’s natural that’s where she found my name.

When you’re a child you’re naturally inquisitive. I always asked my mother a bunch of questions. I remember asking her, how did you come up with my name? It was a simple answer; I found it in a book I was reading at the time of my pregnancy. That answer wasn’t good enough for me; so I pushed further asking more questions. What book was it? Where were you when you were reading it? Why did my name stand out? Overwhelmed, she told me she had to think about all those questions. She said, give me a day and I will answer all the questions you have about your name.

My mother came to me the next day, sat me down and said ask away. I started with the easiest, what book were you reading when you found my name? She said it was a romance novel titled Along Came Love by Jackie Lavoie. Next question, where were you when you were reading it? She said, I was just at home, lying in bed, relaxing. I was getting farther along in my pregnancy, so it was getting a little uncomfortable to do anything. I finally got to my last question, why did my name stand out? Her answer, I thought Kaitlin was the most beautiful and unique name I have ever heard.

c. your choice – exploring your relationship with a machine

The relationship between laptop and owner is decided at first by sight, love at first sight, at least for me anyways. When I went to Best Buy to pick out a laptop, I knew right away that I wanted you. Your sleek look drew me in first, with your silver edges and black top with silver polka dots. The polka dots are adorable, yet grown up enough that I could get away with it. The ten key was another check in the column of must have’s. Once I found you, I couldn’t picture using any another laptop. You soon became my friend and my companion. You joined me in all my daily activities; checking my email, writing in my blog and doing my school work. I even started to share everything with you; pictures, music, emails, documents and so much more. When you crashed for the first time I thought it was the end of the world. But when you run start to run smoothly again it’s as if the world has been corrected. I can see myself in the mouse pad. Your buttons are smooth, and sometimes even squeak as I type. Your screen is bright and allows me to see a reflection of myself and objects around me. The quiet hum of your hard drive soothes me after a busy day at work. I would have to say the relationship with my laptop runs thick as blood. The relationship I have with my laptop is comparable to the relationship an alcoholic would have with a case of beer.  (Yes, Honey B., I did steal this from you.)
 
Teacher comments:
Good work on showing us the descriptions in the scenes. It's interesting that you used second person in the last one. Nothing wrong with that; but toward the end you slip back into first. So just watch POV (point of view) shifts. Great job on your formatting and grammar!

Honestly, I didn't even know I changed my point of view in my last story.  I really need to stay aware of this.