I Must Get This Off My Chest

I'm throwing a pity party for one!

I had a mini breakdown last night.  These thoughts have been bouncing around in my head for the last week or two, but last night they finally just got to me.

A somewhat close friend of mine (she's also a coworker, and she also reads my blog occasionally) is going to start trying to conceive (TTC) soon.  And by soon I mean next month.  That freaks me out... I don't know if that's the words I want to use, but that's what comes to mind right now.  She already has one little boy (he turns a year old on February 2nd) and he was an accident.  I just feel like she's going to get pregnant before me.  I think things are going to be so simple for her, since she didn't even have to try the first time around. 

I'm throwing a pity party in my head and feeling awful about it.  I want her to be able to get pregnant and have another baby.  But we started six months ago and I'm not pregnant yet.  It's not a competition or anything.  I just want it to be my chance, my time to get pregnant.

She brings up the topic of babies all the time and sometimes I just don't want to talk about it.  It's just one of the constant things going on in my brain, so I don't want to talk about it all the time too.  I don't know how much that makes sense, but to me it does.  It's just tough, I know I haven't been trying very long, but as months keep passing the more I realize I want a baby.  I just wonder when it's going to be my turn.


11 comments on "I Must Get This Off My Chest"

Anonymous wrote: January 13, 2010 at 7:59 PM

Huge hugs <3 It must be the time for breakdowns lately.

Kellie wrote: January 13, 2010 at 8:03 PM

You'll get your chance love. I know it's not necessarily the same thing, but when all the people around me-brothers, sisters, friends.. are engaged and married, well I go into mini-breakdown mode as well.

But I know you're gonna get pregnant! Hugs. It took my brother and sister in law two years.. I know it can happen for you.

Honey B. wrote: January 13, 2010 at 8:06 PM

Ohh, been there done that....its miserable! You want to be happy! But you also just want to shut it out.... My BFF just told me that they're not preventing anymore, which just makes my heart hurt...I know how you feel! :-( *hugs*

Anonymous wrote: January 13, 2010 at 9:29 PM

Oh sweetie I know how you are feeling. I have the exact same friend. Well a friend with the same situation. A one year old, she's 5 months preggo and all she talks about is babies. The first one she tried for two months the second one came while she was still breastfeeding and af still mia!! Yah it sucks. You will have your time soon. I'm sure of it! Vent to us as much as you need to!

Ashley (momtobrady) wrote: January 13, 2010 at 9:43 PM

I bet it's hard, and I'm feeling for ya. I can't wait to hear when you finally get your positive pregnancy test! Just remember, right now, you're making memories. In 10 years, you'll see your kid running around and think back to this time with your hubs and laugh! Time flies. Once it happens, it'll be a whirlwind of happiness and hormones, then dirty diapers and sleep deprivation and all of the sudden? You're celebrating a first birthday and wondering where the hell your tiny newborn went.

I'm sure none of this helps, just putting my 2 cents in. :) just saying, remember, it's all part of the process, and soon enough you'll have that beautiful baby! Just enjoy the ride. ;)

Nikus wrote: January 13, 2010 at 9:48 PM

Oh sweetie, been there done that (just like Honey B.). At one point we were even in a "race" with friends of ours...now their son is 9 months old! Just work on you and the rest will fall into place.

One of my best friends told me (long ago) that they had started "trying," and she knew our situation. God bless her, the next time I saw her (um, 3 weeks later), I asked how things were going and yup, you guessed it, they were pregnant. I think I asked to borrow her hubby - and drank!

These things just happen. A friend told me this and I always remember it in these scenarios - "Remember that "she" didn't take the last baby on the shelf. No one cut in front of you in line. No one took our chance at a baby away from us. Don't be mad/sad that "they" are pregnant!" Or in your case, worried that she will be before you. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't about who gets there first. Hard lesson for me to learn, and every so often I still need a reminder.

Hang tight sister, these things happen when God intends.

The Quest For Baby Hang wrote: January 13, 2010 at 9:50 PM

I have been through that also. A lot of my friends recently just started TTC ALL pregnant now... At first I could cry once I would see the news on MySpace...then I just shrugged it off and am happy for them. And you will do the same. :) Hang in there sweetie, if you ever need to talk. I'm here. *HUGS*

Holly wrote: January 13, 2010 at 10:29 PM

I know how you feel! I have friends that I know are so close to ttc or already are and even though I really want them to get pregnant and have their babies, I am so scared they will do it before me. Not that it's a race like you said but Im afraid I will feel like a failure if they get pg in the 1st few months when Ive been ttc almost 3 years. But I know in the end if that does happen I will still be enormously happy for them and supportive. *HUGS*

Betty wrote: January 14, 2010 at 4:08 AM


KarmaPearl wrote: January 14, 2010 at 6:23 AM

*hugs* If you can, try not to stress out about it too terribly much. I know that's easier said than done. When we were TTC, I scrolled through my Facebook & MySpace every day with held breath, just waiting to see who got knocked up before me. I always got jealous when I'd see a pregnancy announcement, especially if it hadn't taken the couple long to conceive or if it had been an accident.

Just know that those feelings are TOTALLY normal, and TOTALLY okay to have. *hugs*

Jen @ After The Alter wrote: January 16, 2010 at 12:29 PM

I can relate to how you are feeling...I'm on my 5th month trying post miscarriage and my best friend is now 13 weeks! I am so happy for her but sometimes it's a punch in the gut. She came over yesterday and sported her new baby bump and I found myself so jealous! I'm having a pity party for myself too:(

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