Thanks For Trying

I got my first ridiculous Facebook comment yesterday.

"Hey I say start the process of adoption and watch God do a miracle!!!
U'll be pregnant soon! Happens a lot!"

This comment came after I posted this:

"Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of people are fighting day in and day out, post this as your status if you or someone you know has walked to hell & back for the chance to be a MOM or DAD."

I was baffled and confused.  And most of all pissed.  I didn't want to respond on the heat of the moment, so I decided I would leave the comment there and either respond or message her the next day.  But lo and behold my dear friend Holly, that I've met through the blogging community, left a great response to this woman since I was too stunned to respond nicely. 

"that is a common misconception that often hurts and diminishes the reality of those who are trying to conceive as well as those who are trying to or have adopted"


The thing that bugs me the most about this comment is how out of the blue it came.  I've never once mentioned that we are TTC on Facebook and I've never once mentioned that we've been having difficulties TTC.  So the fact that this woman (who hardly knows me) just posted this on my wall without knowing anything about my situation is just frustrating.

For National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), I'm thinking about coming out of the closet on Facebook.  I still want to discuss it with Rob, but chances are high that I'll be coming out.

I know many of you did last year.  How did you say?  I could use help.

12 comments on "Thanks For Trying"

Katie wrote: April 9, 2011 at 4:49 AM

WOW. I need to be your friend on Facebook. I'll take care of idiotic responses like that. :)

I came out in a very subtle way. Two years ago, I simply chose to donate my status in honor of RESOLVE's Advocacy day:

"Today I'm donating my status to RESOLVE's Advocacy Day - leading the charge for greater access to affordable care for infertility patients."

No one commented, but many people liked it. After that, I started putting statuses up more often. I once put up one (after a failed IUI) that said, "Infertility sucks. For those of you out there who were/are able to conceive naturally, please don't ever forget how blessed you are!"

I've had a few dumb comments, but most were from people who were at least TRYING to be nice. Their idiocy was unintentional. Nothing like the comment you got on your post.

If you want to come out at the start of NIAW, here's what I posted last year for day 1:

"Today marks the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week. NIAW honors the 7.3 million men and women who suffer from infertility through lack of conception, miscarriage, or repeat loss. Please, educate yourself on this painful disease by visiting I encourage you to copy and post this as your status if you or someone you love is suffering. It's time to end the silence."

Jay wrote: April 9, 2011 at 7:35 AM

It never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people are (I would use the word "stupid" but I'm trying to give this person the benefit of the doubt). I don't know if you say the piece I wrote for Fertility Authority but it's called "Infertility Etiquette " and it's a list I put together of what to say and not say to infertiles. I used a lot of anecdotes of what people have shared with me and one of the ones I heard over and over again were people being like, "Have you thought about using your brother-in-law's sperm?" or "... you're sister-in-law's eggs?" even when the infertile couple has never been told there's anything wrong with either! Really? Is it that hard to just be supportive and listen? We all have doctor's, we're all smart people - we don't need advice, suggestions or ignorant comments on what will work and not work. Oy!

Jessa wrote: April 9, 2011 at 8:20 AM

Wow. I don't even know that I can come up with anything else to day. I'm sorry she said that to you. Particularly in a forum so public like Facebook.

Courtney wrote: April 9, 2011 at 11:39 AM

I was so angry when I saw the comment on your status. Ugh.

I came out when I was diagnosed almost 5 years ago. I then decided at that moment to blog about our IVF's and using my sister as a egg donor.

Jason and I discussed it beforehand as well. I give you major kudos and anyone who decides to come out because it's emotional. I'll be supporting you as you do. *hugs*

BreAnna wrote: April 9, 2011 at 2:42 PM

That comment is so ridiculous. I'm glad you had back-up!
I'm thinking about fully coming out during NIAW too. I'm partially out (the subject of my most recent blog post). I will be interested to see what you decide!

Tillie wrote: April 9, 2011 at 11:02 PM

holy monkey balls - such a bitch. I saw that and wanted to smack her. I get it that she just doesn't get it...but seriously what. the. fuck? I'm sorry doll.

Maranda wrote: April 10, 2011 at 6:24 AM

I'll bet that WAS super frustrating and annoying. Good for your friend Holly sticking up and letting that commenter know. Good luck on coming out on FB!

Nikus wrote: April 10, 2011 at 1:49 PM

I love your friend's response! Ideal! People can be morons!!! GO HOLLY!

Goodyear Family wrote: April 10, 2011 at 5:42 PM

That deserves a double face-palm. Some people just don't think... Anyways, last year I wrote a blog post about NIAW and then posted the link on Facebook.I also had a video I posted on there. I got a lot of good responses and a lot of friends who came and said they were having the same issues. Good luck! I'll watch for the post and face-palm anybody who makes stupid comments on it.

Krissi wrote: April 20, 2011 at 5:38 AM

I think this is an awesome FB post! (*I may just repost it since it was worded so well!) Sorry about the ignorance!! You should definitely bust a myth!!

Krissi wrote: April 20, 2011 at 5:38 AM

Happy Anniversary by the way!!

Danielle-Marie wrote: April 28, 2011 at 4:14 PM

I agree, this comment was very insensitive. I once feared I myself would be unable to have children, and while I was never against adoption...there is something very real and very deep inside of a woman when she wants to experience pregnancy, labour, giving birth, etc. It really isn't just as simple as, "hey, adopt...problem solved." Your Facebook status couldn't of put it better in my opinion.

With that said, I'm sure the person who commented this didn't intend to hurt your feelings. It sounds like she just really didn't understand where you're coming from.

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